Feeling defeated and wanting to change that mindset ...

  • Hi everyone!

    I am only in week four of my challenge and feel like I have fallen off the bandwagon big time. I have struggled with binge stress/emotional eating for quite some time - it became my coping mechanism when I was in college and it has never fully "gone away." I have periods of time where I do really well with eating normally and working out regularly, but it seems as though I am either doing great, or completely off track. I have binged the past three days and missed my first workout of the challenge. I doubled up on my workouts yesterday to try to "make up" for it, but then by the evening my eating was out of control again, even though that morning I had been determined to get back on track. I overslept this morning and usually like to do my workouts in the morning because I am too tired at night. So I am planning to do my workout right after work today and (so far) have been back on the eating plan, but I am just feeling really discouraged.

    I don't want to quit the challenge, but I hate that I was going to take week four progress pictures and check my measurements and probably won't be showing much, if any, progress. I want - and NEED - to get back on track. Adding to my stress is the fact that I am getting married at the beginning of July and I was hoping to complete a full challenge by the wedding. I don't have enough time left to start over and I know I should just focus on getting back on track, but I can't seem to shake the voice in my head that tells me I already screwed up. I called a counselor today with the hope that going that route might help me get things in check, but any words of advice or wisdom would be appreciated!

    Thank you for letting me rant ... :)

  • You just need to let it go.  You cannot change the past, but you CAN change what you do from now on.  Don't dwell on what's already happened.  Think of it this way.  It would be easy to quit the challenge, and go on with life as everyone else outside of BFL knows it.  Real simple.  Wake up.  Don't worry about getting in a workout.  Don't worry about what you're going to eat, or when you need to eat it.  Real easy to see an unauthorized food and indulge in it, rather than using all your will power to say no to it.  But what you really need to do is go back to your mindset of when you first began the challenge.  Why did you want to do it?  You apparently weren't happy with certain parts of your life, or your appearance.  

    This challenge is not easy at all...at least not the first few weeks.  It can even harder if you don't have a great supporting cast around you (which I doubt a lot of people have that).  I started an unofficial challenge in January.  Lost 22 pounds.  Started an official challenge.  I'm currently at 33 pounds total weight loss since January 7th, and I FEEL GREAT!!!  Not just physically, but mentally too.  Are there days I don't want to get out of bed.  Absolutely.  My butt was dragging this morning.  My body was telling my head to go back to bed.  However, my brain told my body to shut up and get into that gym to do a 20 minute cardio, which is exactly what I did!  And that little 20 minute workout did wonders for me for the remainder of the day.  So, it may not sound like much fun before the workout, but try to imagine your feeling after you're done with the gym.

    You're getting married in July.  Congratulations!!!  Not enough time to start a new challenge?  I don't think you need to start a new one.  Continue on.  So you hit some road bumps.  So what.  So your Week 4 pictures won't be everything you had hoped for (I learned a long time ago that your pictures will never be exactly what you want them to be).  Be proud of what you've done.  You still have plenty of time to get back on board and make some good results, with plenty of time for your wedding.  Working out will actually help alleviate some of the stress you may be feeling.  

    Do I think you need a counselor?  Nope.  I think you simply need to workout hard, and what you think are mental problems will vanish, and you will feel mentally and physically successful.  Just remember, everyone here is here for support.  So, why pay for something when you can get all this for free???  We may not be experts in the counseling field, but I guarantee that there will be someone who can relate to what you're going through, who can help you through it.  Good Luck!!!


  • Only in week 4? That is awesome! You must be very determined to have made it this far and ask for help. I feel the same way you described every time I have pms. I deal with it by doing the best that I can, just like you have. With the eating, I make lots of chicken with hot sauce (I really like hot sauce, so I actually want to eat the stuff I make) and I will have a couple (2 usually) pieces of chicken when I feel hunger coming on in the evening. And I save my favorite carbs for later meals. It helps satisfy the binge urge-plus you get extra protein and that always makes the workouts feel better. Potatos and oatmeal, and also fruit in the freezer are great options. When the fruit is frozen, it takes longer to eat and th hunger will be more satisfied by the time you eat it all. Also it reminds me of the snacks I used to go for: popsicles and ice cream. Find healthy items that work well to substitute your old urges and the transition away from it will be easier. Its all about finding what works for you.

    I have sought the services of a counselor in the past, and it helped me get to a place where I could do the challenge. I had a lot of outside issues that I needed help with. So that is something that might not be for everyone, but it can certainly help you find coping skills and support.

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and best of luck with your challenge!!!

  • Greetings, I agree with all of the above comments and they all have some great suggestions.  One of the most important things is not to quit or start over, but to realize where you went wrong, resolve not to do it again, replace the bad habits with good ones, drink lots of water and revisit you goals from when you started and get back on that horse and ride again and finish.  We all know you can do this and hope you will take our advice on this. It is better to have tried and failed then to never have tried at all. So Keep Moving FOrward!!!

  • I have exactly the same problem with binge eating, due to my illness I get incredible pain, whenever I start to feel it I start to think 'oh this is it I just want chocolate/other'

    Had this last night and ended up eating extra, back on track today and just trying to move on and work out why I binge, I cant wait to get to week 4! :-)

  • Hi. You need to try and just put this behind you and move on. I'm in week 5 myself and today have recognised the warning signs I often get around this timeframe into a regime. Not feeling so motivated, a bit lethargic, etc. I've made myself get on here and read a few posts (and make some) and have read some of the success stories. The one for the journal tomorrow is bout forgiving yourself, read it if you have it!

    Plan your diet for a few days and get some food prepared, it will make all the difference. Stick with it, I want to see those 12 week photos.

  • I can relate to the binge eating to soothe emotions. I have battled that demon my entire life!  However I am doing much better now...  I have started and stopped around the same point you are at many times and never finished a challenge.  I am starting week 2 tomorrow and like you, I have a goal for July which is loosing 20 lbs by 7/26 (my 50th birthday)  So lets do this together!!!  Yes, I messed up one time this week as well but I need the support to "Commit to 12 Weeks" and not give up for anything!!!  I think for me, just making the commitment and following through from beginning to end for 12 weeks will be key in making some everlasting changes in my life.

    I agree with everything the others wrote!  Progress, not perfection!  Make a poster board of pictures of what you look like now on the left and cut out some pics from a magazine of the body you want to have in July and glue your head onto it and put that on  the right side of the board.  Put it somewhere (I have mine right on my dresser) so I look at it every night and every morning.  You get - what you focus on most of the time...  meaning don't let negative thinking drown out your good intentions, push them out and say "so what, I messed up 3 days... big freaking deal!  I have this covered and I will come out looking great"  I will persevere and nothing, I mean NOTHING is going to get in my way.  I am like a freight train, I am UNSTOPPABLE!!!! Aint nothin gonna keep me down this time!

    We have to believe the new thoughts and push out the old debilitating ones!  It's taken me 48 years to figure this out and I'm gonna have to die trying cause I am not giving up until I reach my goal of 160 and get back in my old clothes and dump all these larger ones.  

    Best of luck to you.  Don't give up!!!!!!



  • Thank you so much to all of you for the encouragement. You are all right -- I should NOT give up!!! I am doing better and, while I am still not completely back in the swing of the program, I am much closer and much more positive. I've been sticking to my workouts very well (working out has always been easier for me than controlling my eating habits) and I am ready to plan and prep some food tonight for this week. Ready to start my week 5 strong!! Thank you again!!! :)

  • Well I can definitely relate to the screw up part and it was only week one for me! Sadly part of me is a perfectionist so I want to start over, however, I watched Michael Irving's hall of fame speech not to long ago and he said that when we fall we look up get up and keep going or at least something like that :) I am on week two now and I have pretty much decided not to start over but to keep going and push myself past my limits and if I a lazy college kid can do it then you definitely can! Stay strong friend!

  • I have an app on my phone that gives me a daily inspirational quote. I think this one is perfect to describe my past week and my decision to stick with this challenge!!

    "I think that sometimes the difference between winning and losing, success and failure, is the gray line between will, passion, and self-belief that says, 'I'm going to do this.'"

    -Howard Schultz

    Happy Monday everyone! :)

  • Hey I just wanted to update on the advice I gave because I just found out it may be counter-productive. I only give advice about things that I am actually doing, because I am still learning. I saw a trainer and showed him my diet. He said its not good to eat the carbs I mentioned before bed, and if I wait all day to eat that stuff it will make my body crave carbs extra hard. He said I probably would have lost a lot more fat if it was flip flopped because the carbs aren't being utilized when you sleep. And then I read the same thing on the Cottage Cheese Club thread.

    So I am trying to eat those things earlier in the day and see if I don't feel like eating a bunch at night. I hope I dont mess up, I only have 2 weeks to go. It is an amazing feeling to see that I have actually done it for this long, I truly hope you can experience the accomplishment. The mistakes will not harsh the vibe when you know you did your best, so keep truckin baby!