I just can't do it-My confidence is shot

  •  I have known about bodyforlife since the summer of 1999 and in all that time I have still yet to complete a 12 week challenge, I think its gotten to the stage where I have tried and failed so my times that my confidence is just at an all time low, I have read the book 1000,s of times, I have all the muscle media mags, I know EXACTLY what to do, but I now cant even motivate myself for a day anymore, its as if I say to myself "a what the heck, why bother Mark? your only going to fail sometime into it so why even bother starting?"Even though I have never completed a challenge I used to be alot better than I am now, I remember walking up at 5.00am on freezing cold mornings and cycling to the gym for my morning workout, im am currently 300lbs at 6ft tall, I have a alot of muscle underneath this fat so I would be in very  good shape at 210-220 for my build, I dunno what it is I just cant snap myself out of this rut im in, I am way too fond of the beer so maybe thats a factor, as a 32 year old man I have a decent job but im very unhappy, Im just stuck,static, my life as no focus and I just live for the day, I also think that maybe im setting my goals too high, should I be happy with a 20 to 25lbs weightloss in 12 weeks, no I want to lose 50 because I know whats possible, the freeday also has me frustrated, im an all or nothing person, it either nothing or an all out binge, somethimes im thinking to myself and say if I can just satya clean for these 12 weeks I will be in super shape other times I say go ahead and pig out on the freeday it will be easier to stick to. does anyone have any insight on to what I should do, I have the mechanics of BFL down, I know how to eat and I can really push myself in the gym, please help anyone

  • I do think you are setting your goal too high when you want to loose 50lbs in 12 weeks. Yes it has been done but I am sure it was very strict (no beer) and prob didn't do it "by the book." I have read champions stories and they did extra cardio and whatnot.

    Your goal should be to complete 1 challenge by the book without missing a workout or having cheat meals 6 days a week. You do know how to this works, its just forcing yourself to do it. You have your goals too high. If 6packmission was my name I would be stressing about how I workout all the time and reached my "goal weight" and still dont have a 6 pack. It go me down at the end of my first challenge. Now I focus on ENJOYING the workouts and maybe one day the belly fat might go on vacation.



    With a can do attitude and reasonable goals you can finish a challenge.


    “"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out..." - Robert J. Collier”


  • Hey there. I'm totally new to this. This is my first time on the BFL program. However, I have tried many others and failed miserably. I'm in love with food. I'm not fat, but I'm really out of shape. I'm only 5ft 2in, and 120, but I get winded just walking two doors down, and running around the living room with my kids. I'm also only gonna be turning 25. I shouldn't be like this. It's very discouraging when you try something over and over and you don't get the results that you want. I encourage you to continue. If you aren't happy with 20 to 25lbs then just aim first to complete the challenge. Stick with the diet and the work out regimen and consider that your first achievement. Because that's what it is, an awesome achievement!! And once you have managed to go the 12 weeks like that. Try to go for a higher weight loss the next twelve weeks. I think once you can see that you can make it through the BFL program, even without the results you were hoping for, you will gain confidence and realize that you can do it.  I too am an all or nothing person. All I drink is soda, Pepsi to be exact, and tequila on occasion. I don't buy it anymore. I know if I buy it for my free day, it will be gone way before then and I'll be back drinking just that. I really have to force myself not to eat stuff that I want to. When I don't cheat, I consider that an achievement and use that to hype myself up for the next day. For me, not buying the buffalo wings is a huge deal!! I think sometimes it's the little victories that we really need to grab onto just to keep going. Well I hope this was a little encouraging and that this works out for you. Just keep pushing it! I can't wait to see you in the success stories part!!!

  • 6packmission,

    Maybe you actually have too much information. I don't know if you golf but it is like the golf swing. If your head is full of too much technical stuff (stand like this, grip the club like this, keep the club on plane and so on into golf central eternity) you don't have a chance of hitting the ball.

    Maybe you need to simplify. Like BryanL said, maybe a good goal would be to complete a 12 week challenge. You know the results will be there so just focus on eaing right and getting to the gym 6 days a week. That, in and of itself is a noble goal and truly no easy thing.

    Another thought, and I am just throwing this out there for consideration, is having a reason. There are times I struggle with this as well. Just why am I pushing my body so hard and making these sacrifices? This was actually the biggest hurdle I had to clear before starting BFL. One big reason for me, and this gets me through on some dismal mornings when I would rather be in bed than in the gym, is I want to have a healthy life into my old age. I see people who are 60 or 70 and they are done. They are sick and old and their bodies are toast. Yet I see others at the same age or older and they are active and healthy and living life to the fullest. When I am 80 I want to be golfing, surfing, traveling, flirting with beautiful women and living life. I don't want to be some grumpy man complaining about his ailments and  the cost of health care.

    This is just one of my reasons. I keep a list of reasons with me and refer to it often. I think the lack of a reason for change, or the lack of real belief in a chosen reason to change accounts for a large percentage of the people who stop before 12 weeks.

    Just a thought.


  • 6packmission,

    Orrin is right on with his reply to you.  I'm also going to repeat part of another reply I gave to someone else in a similar situation about a week ago:

    The excess weight is best taken off slowly, at a rate of 6 - 7 lbs per month.  As long as you are eating properly, and excercising properly, you will reach the ideal weight for your body if you keep doing BFL.  How can I be so sure?  Because the energy equation rules (is a fundamental law of nature that cannot be violated).  So, if you are losing absolutely no weight whatsoever, there must be a cause.  It would mean that you're taking in as many calories as you are burning daily.  As a sanity check, add up the calorie intake for 2 or 3 of your completed days, and confirm  that you took in about 1700 - 2000 calories.  To improve lower body fitness with dumbbells or free weights is difficult, I believe, really difficult.  You can do the lunge, or dead lifts, but calves and hamstrings are especially troublesome to excercise with dumbbells.  I use weight machines to do quadriceps extension, hamstring curls, and calf extensions, and also the ab crunches.  How intense have your cardio (aerobic) excercise sessions been?  Are you sweating 8 - 10 minutes into it, and dripping sweat at the end?  

    In my bio, you'll see I took about 7 months to adjust my nutrition, and then I started my first challenge.  I had to take small, gradual steps on every aspect of it - the eating change, the aerobics, and the weight lifting.  I went into fast food restaurants and observed others - people my age, and people perhaps 10 years older.  I was sure I did not want to end up like them.  I'm on day 513 or something, and 65 - 70 lbs lighter, less than when I graduated high school, in clothes size my teenagers wear..... small steps were my path to success.....you've proven since 1999 that trying to large steps doesn't work for you...try to complete one challenge like Orrin suggests, take a week off, then start your second....

    Once I discovered the joys of weight training, all other passions were transcended.


  • 6packmission,

    Orin is so right. as usual. You really have to mentally cross that abyss and have reason to be able to make changes in your life. You need to separate dreams and long term goals from goals obtainable in 12 weeks.

    I too dream of a 6 pack. Reality is though starting at 6' 245 lbs with a +30% BF a 6 pack is probably out of reach in 12 weeks. Don't get me wrong I am so striving for it, but it is a dream or long term goal not one of my 12 weeks goals. I set my 12 weeks goals as hard but obtainable. Lose 25-30lbs, Drop to a size 34 from 42 (tough one here!) gain 20% in strength (already beat that one!)

    But my biggest goal of them all is FINISH THE 12 WEEKS! I to have tried and failed at BFL in the past along with other hokey diets.  I focus every day on that one goal.Give it my best effort to finish the 12 weeks without missing a workout. To strive for 6 clean meals every day. But more than anything to finish. Finish the challenge if it kills me trying.

    Everyone seems to focus so much on the minutiae (myself included) of the BFL challenge. Scale weight, clothing size, eating ,training etc we lose the big picture. Finishing the race. Giving it your honest to goodness best effort each and every day to continue on. Every day isn't going to be perfect eating. Every workout is not going to be the very best ever.  When those days happen you have to look beyond them and remember the bigger picture.

    They call it a 12 Week Challenge for a reason. To me the challenge goes far beyond the physical workouts and nutrition plan. The challenge to me is being able to look yourself in the mirror every night and ask, did i give it my all today and be honest with myself if I didn't.  To re-motivate and commit to myself each and every morning to finishing this 12 weeks and not cheat myself out of a much needed success in my life.

    Success breeds success.  Success with BFL will help you to make other changes you want to make in your life. I believe it will bring you not only the momentum to make the change but the confidence to chase those changes and dreams.


    You can do it 6pack.Search your soul and find your reasons.You are worth the effort!

  • BCbill you really hit it right on the head, too.  The minutiae has to go.  Everyone is so focused on doing a perfect challenge, the basics don't get done, the big picture gets lost, and it's hardly surprising their motivation wanes.  80% of the benefit can be realized by keeping it simple, and changing to the six meals, in conjunction with frequent weight lifting and aerobic excercise.  More folks should save the efforts at perfection for future challenges, C2,C3, ....

    Once I discovered the joys of weight training, all other passions were transcended.


  • Hello! Sixpackmission, like you I have know about BFL since 1999. I have had great success in 2000-2003 losing 72lbs and gaining 18lbs of muscle....but due to medical problems I gained it all back. I know now that this was just an excuse and If I would tried harder I know I could have gotten through it still in good shape....

    I tend to agree with Orrin and Bryant and believe that maybe you are setting your goals a little too high. I started this challenge on 08/09/10 and as of right now I'm down 22lbs...even though I'm having a rough time with my UC...I have found that by setting little goals I'm not so disappointed when I don't reach them...Like my goal for the first 4 weeks was to lose 12lbs of fat..I failed this goal by 2lbs! Oh! well!

    Then my next 4 weeks I put a little larger goal because I felt now I had to get a little stricter on myself...I set the goal at 15lbs...I came in at 17 lbs lost and so far it totals 29lbs. There is a catch to this, it's called planning.....I have to admit I have read Bills books front to back several times...Including his new one "Transformation" and feel that even though they have a lot of information this is not where I get my "Motivation". Lets look at that word: motivate-to move, prompt, stimulate, action. I feel that in order to get your challenge on track first you have to move( get your exercise program going), prompt ( be puntial and timely) stimulate(get excited) and action( create a plan an effect)...This is the only way you can become motivated to continue your challenge....When you read Bills BFL book do you remember his words ( " If you set yourself up for failure then you will fail". I realized what he meant and I started to take the negative things in my life and write them down and then I would in a column right next to it write a positive thing....soon all of the positive side would out number the negative column.... Another thing was "Honoring Self Promises" this has been a real test for me, but I found if I write down those promises even the ones that I promise to others, I tend to keep them...Example: I promised my friend Mary that I would rebuild her deck and plant the flowers that have been sitting in the pots for months...day's went by and I still procrastinated getting out in the hot sun and doing it....So I made a self promise and posted it on my mirror...the next morning I got up and put on some old clothes and went to her house to get started. We had bought all the material last fall so all I had to do was get started....Well after 2 weeks of knocking out rotten boards and railing I'm through with the deck and ready to start on the brick court yard at the base of the deck....I have to tell you I went home sore and tired, but there is a moral to this story!!!! You guessed it I lost 11lbs of fat.....and another inch in my waist. When I read your blog you said you have tried and tried to complete your challenge....look at the word "Tried". It means to "try"--- endeavor, attempt, struggle, undertake....does this mean you endeavored  to attempt this challenge and struggled so hard that you could not undertake the things it would take to complete it. Let me be  the first to tell you everyone tries something once in their life and fail, but sometimes "If you don't  succeed at first , Try and Try again" This is what I'm telling you...."Honor your self promises", "Set your goals so that they are obtainable", "Get Motivated", "Trade the word Try to Do", and last but not least " Help others by helping yourself"......I know you can do this and I know you really want to do it....So remember these famous words " When the Going Gets Tough the Tough Get Going."their is one other thing that Bill said " Superman's "super moments" are his high points. the rest -----his life as Clark Kent----is pretty forgettable."  So get out there and create those high points so we can see you in the " Winners Circle".  All of us here at BFL are pulling for you and we know you have the will power to do this.....I know you can....Your friend, John

  • 6pack - I remember being told by many before me to not "redo" or "start-over" when I felt I wasnt doing my best in a challenge. I see now, through you the struggles that come from that.

    My hope for you MY FRIEND is to pick a date, and JUST DO IT. If you have a bad day, so be it. Move on. Remain in a challenge for 84 days.

    You are here.

    We have your back.

    You know how this works.

    Let the Coffee Crew know when you start. MO will get her wrench ready to keep your head on straight and the rest of us will be there every step of the way. Lord knows we arent perfect, but we are doing well with the self promises and that's pretty cool.

    Huddle and high 5.

    It's your turn 6pack. "COME FOLLOW ME" as Porter Freeman would say. :)

  • 6packmission - I've been in the share Mike Harris blog kind of day.  I don't know, but perhaps this one will help you.

    Are things going perfectly in your transformation?? HAH! Right? Well, no one does a perfect challenge–and adversity and problems are common. To help you understand why you should NEVER start over (some of you are thinking about it right now!)I am posting a blog here that I wrote 2 1/2 years ago. I hope it helps:

    Fatal Flaws that Can Kill Your Challenge–Perfectionism!
    by: Michael Harris 9/18/2007
    If I called you a perfectionist, would you smile? I hope not, because it is anything but a compliment!

    See, I view perfectionism as the single biggest character flaw there is to a successful challenge. In tomorrow’s blog I discuss another big impediment to a challenge, perhaps bigger, called eating disorders, but I do not view them as a character flaw, like I do perfectionism. A character flaw is a way of behaving that has become ingrained and second nature, and which almost always leads to adverse consequences to the person who has it. They often appear to the person as an asset rather than a flaw, and that is another reason that they are very difficult to eradicate.

    In the real world of Body for Life, here is how perfectionism usually operates. The person decides that he or she has "had it," that they are going to renounce their current way of living, lose X number of pounds, and get and stay in shape forever. They buy the book; read it carefully; make tremendous preparations just as recommended in the book; plan all their meals and workouts; do all their shopping, and begin in earnets early on a Monday morning. Within a week, they will miss a workout, or grab an unauthorized food and wolf it down, or encounter some personal crisis which suddenly attracts all their attention, and BANG, just like that, their challenge grinds to a complete halt. Then, they resolve to start over and do it again perfectly.

    See, the reason that the perfectionism is such a fatal flaw is that it always makes you quit, and never allows for a mistake that can be a teaching moment. Yet, the person who has it just doesn’t see this. They think of themselves as victimized by the temporary failure, and they see "do overs" as just part of the way of achieving the perfect result. There’s no such thing! And the end result of the perfectionist is always the same–they quit! In the end, they are usually much worse off than they were when they started.

    How do you beat perfectionism? Well, in a way, it is like a cockroach–it doesn’t like the light! So, admit it to yourself, and put the light of truth on what you are doing, and your ridiculous way of behaving will become evident to you. The wall of denial will crack, and you’ll be able to accept less than perfect, and to get on with your life in an oderly manner. The second thing you can do is to realize that it is far more important to keep your self-promises than it is to do anything perfectly, because breaking promises to yourself causes a complete lack of self-confidence in due time.

    Love you some you...PERSEVERE!

  • Thanks for the words of support folks, I am actually starting today

  • Great!!!! Glad to see you get back into the game.....You had a lot of great advice form all the members and we will all be here for you.....John

  • Im smiling here for you 6pack.

    You are not alone.

  • All right  6pack!!! Let's go!! We are all here for you.


  • 6Pack,

    Let me ask a question of you ...... what is it a 6pack would do for you besides just asthetics?  Truly it serves no real purpose in terms of health.  What it proves is that you got down to 10% or less BF.  If you were in good shape and at 15% BF you might not see the 6 pack but does that mean you are not in good shape?  Of course not.

    Ok that being said, I agree with others on 50 - 60lbs in 12 weeks being a real lofty goal.  One that I think only a very few people can get to.  Those who do not drink, do not take a cheat day and do extra cardio and all that.  For some it works, for some (me included) it would be a sure fire path to burnout.  This is supposed to be Body For Life not Body For 12 Weeks.  You need to get to a place where this is fun and sustainable.

    Shoot for just finishing a challenge.  Make that your primary goal, then as a secondary goal shoot for maybe 25 - 30lbs over that 12 weeks.  That is much more obtainable and will not fry you out like it sounds most of these challenges have.

    Good luck and just remember, honor your self promise.  Start there and reach that one goal and the rest will fall into place.