Healthy Vision + picture

  • Once I crossed the abyss, I wanted to submerge myself in this whole thing and "do more" after I had already done the workout, prepared my meals for the day, recorded everything in the worksheets....and times like that are good for things like making a vision board. there is lots of additional advice people give about their success, and vision boards or posting your before pic on the fridge are ones I hear often. It works for many people, but not me. I have never seen a muscle in my abdomen, or been able to feel one with my hand. The closest this I've been to skinny is going from "a larger pear shape to a smaller pear shape". I believed for a long time that it was not possible for my body to be that way. When I saw fitness models and body types like that, I felt instant sickening shame and despair. I was really sick with an eating disorder, where at times I never ate by abusing amphetamine. I was down to 155- that was the skinniest I could ever get to at 5'10" and starving myself but still I had no muscle tone and felt fat(and sick and like I was going to drop dead randomly). I cut out pix from shape magazine and made things like a vision board to try and motivate self, but all I ever felt was shame. My parents also did a lot of shaming, trying to motivate me.

    I would never post my before picture on the fridge and shame myself into healthy living. I tried to exude confidence in some of my b4 pix and wore a bathing suit so I would have some that I didn't feel bad looking at everyday. I put it in my notebook of daily worksheets and wrote my goals on it so I could look at it everyday and not feel so awful about myself. The pic on the fridge thing works for some, but my guess is they probably don't feel life-ruining  shame, maybe they were actually fit before and know it is possible. Somewhere along my life journey I decided to fix my insides and eat normal so my metabolism would regulate, knowing I would gain insane weight, because  I stopped hating my body appearance. I started loving myself from the inside out. I didn't stand in the mirror and lie to myself, saying out loud "I am skinny I am beautiful". I ate normal to regulate my metabolism because then I could achieve sound nutrition and therefore be physically capable of exercise. When I got super heavy in the process, I told myself it wouldn't last forever if I take those steps.  I never want to be in that place again. There is a difference between knowing your body fat is unhealthy and actually hating your own self like an enemy. 

    I didn't want to do the vision board with magazine models because I have such unhealthy experience doing that with my past/eating disorder (plus those pix are all photo shopped and made to look unrealistically amazing to make you want to buy products). My goals today are to feel as healthy as I look....and I want to look good. I wanted to draw what I think my body is capable of in 12 weeks, if I continue the challenge 100% by the book all 84 days. I am an artist so I decided to do a vision drawing. I posed for a picture and drew the outline, and with my figure and anatomy drawing experience I was able to construct a fitter version of myself. I really like it! I was thinking there must be others who have felt this way, where you don't know what skinny feels like and feel deep debilitating shame when you look at models and see pix of yourself. So if you are at the point where you would be ready to make on of those boards but you feel it would be more hurtful than helpful, I can do a drawing for you if you send me a picture. Art has been my thing forever and I didn't think I would find many ways to involve it with my challenge. But then I thought of this and how absolutely painful it was to see a vision of people who weren't me, with something I never really believed I could have. Not everyone can make a drawing like that so if I could use my gift to ease that pain in someone else, that's what I want to do. My email is if you send me a pic, its best if there is some dramatic lighting so I can see where your muscles and joints are like in my picture, also with a pic of your ideal 12 shape.  I can email you a picture of the drawing so you can print it out and use it in your vision board. I won't show anybody the pictures, I will just delete them right after and file the drawing with my other practice figure drawings.

    "vision drawing"

    My 12 week vision of after looks like other people's before, but like I said the goal is to be as healthy as I look. 

  • What a wonderful idea! While I've been able to get some motivation from past champions' before/after pix, it's always been pretty limited simply because it's not me in the picture, and there are no pictures of me looking the way I want to look, simply because I've never looked like that. I never even thought about doing a drawing. I'll have to get cracking on that right away (knowing myself, I think the act of making the drawing will be even more motivating than having it on the wall).

    I think it's great that you're willing to do that for people who aren't able to do it for themselves. There have to be a ton of other folks who can't find motivation in pictures of someone else, but would find it in a drawing of themselves at their goal figure. I wish my talent level was up to doing it for others the way you've offered (it'll probably take me two weeks or more just to do mine).

  • Wow!  I think you may be on to something.  You are very talented!! Best of luck on your journey!

    "The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday!"

  • Great idea,  never thought of doing artwork for inspiration for a goal. Be sure to post a copy where you will see it often (like the fridge or pantry door).   Way to go on the talent to do this and the idea behind it.

  • FREAKIN' AWESOME!  Love the idea, and incredible talent.  I can't draw a smiley face on a stick figure!

  • Lil Caity, what an incredible gift/idea you have! I get the sense that your future has amazing results & fantastic things in store :)

  • Lil Caity- kudos to you for starting this thread..for posing for before pics...and for your incredible talent and insight.  I'm nearing the end of my first challenge and had not been able to pose for a before pic or take measurements.  at this point i am sorry I didnt because my numbers are not good (weight lose) but i have been feeling very good emotionally and physically.  

  • Thank you so much shelly and everyone else! I felt no embarrassment-amazingly-about my pictures....until I thought of the possibility of an ex or someone googling me and seeing what I look like now. But oh well! At least I am doing something positive with my life today. I have done one drawing already and if anyone else wants one, I really would like to do more! Also it might seem geared towards females but it is fine with me to draw anyone who would like it