Week 9 .... crisis!!

  • hey everyone,

    so i'm having a big crisis in my life this week. my boyfriend and i live together and it seems that my quest to become a healthier and stronger person has made him "hate" me -- his words. this is a huge blow to me as i have just gotten a new job after having a really rough year last year, having big family problems (not on speaking terms with anyone right now, and not by my choice) and having to move in with him out of desperation rather than desire. so here we are, and apparently he now is mad at me 90% of the time and hates who i've become --- here i was thinking i'd become someone better but apparently not.

    in any case, he is going to ask me to move out i'm sure of it, i have no money in the bank and only just started this job, so it will be a while until i can even get on my own 2 feet again. i'm scared, i'm hurt, and all i really have the desire to do right now is cry and drink wine.

    some one tell me what to do. :(

  • Juicy-Yikes! Definitely sounds like you have hit a major speed bump; yes the challenge is supposed to change you into a better person, it has me and I'm sure it has you too. Maybe your bf just doesn't see this and resents you for becoming someone who YOU like. Does that make sense.  Sometimes men (and I'm speaking from my husband's perspective), feel like you are changing for someone else if you know what I mean...has he given you the reasons why he "hates" you? I ended up writing a note to my husband this last go around (I have a hard time with speaking what I'm thinking...) because I wanted him to know I was going to be making changes for first and foremost, myself then for my family, especially for him...

    I don't know what your situation is, but sometimes in relationships, the bf or gf feels secure in their relationship and he may feel as if you are going to end up with someone else; maybe in all reality this is not a healthy relationship if he is not going to support you.  I do not know the right answer for you, but I do know that drinking wine will not solve your problems...

    Do you have any friends nearby you could stay with until you get back on your feet?  I really do feel for you and wish I had the right words and wisdom for you... Many Blessings and Prayers!

    DebMO :0)           Blessed to be a Blessing...

  • juicy it's inherent that you become a stronger, more confident person in this program.  Those around us that are insecure, become more insecure as our insecurities dissipate and are replaced by confidence, strength; the overall general glow that is experienced by all who are successfully applying BFL.

    While the above may or may not hold true for your situation, it's still very unique and not one that I have experienced.  I want to tread carefully with my response but I still feel compelled to respond.

    You and I know the program is right for your well being, both mentally and physically.  Why your significant other can't see this is, quite frankly, disappointing.  Being on the edge and close to accomplishing what will be one of the most meaningful things in your life and for you to share this major bump on a public forum tells me that you know what you want.  This is a major fork in the road, and I hope that you are able to look down both far enough to understand where your decisions today, tomorrow, next week, and so on will take you.

    Be strong in your decision; you know what is right for you.

  • Beautiful, insight answer, Armster. High 5.

  • Your BF sound insecure himself and it probably makes him feel more superior ifwhen you are insecure. now he is seeing a stronger women developing in front of him and he doesn't know what to do with it.  But don't give up on your dreams, just becasue of him. remember who you were when you started and who you are becoming, which one do you want.  I wish you lots of luck. stay true to yourself.

  • Juicy: you know what you need to do I think....it is within us all to be who we want to become. Your bf may be talking out of fear, but in NO WAY does that make it ok to talk to you in that way. No one deserves to be belittled and to feel that their ideas, their goals, their dreams are LESS of what he thinks they should be.

    My heart goes out to you. I too will send you sunshine and strength little lady. XO

  • If you can make it through this and stay on BFL you can do anything!! Keep going and prove to yourself that YOU can do this. Sometimes positive changes in one's life leads to other positive places and other positive people.

    It is hard but we all belive in you and it will be worth it in the end!

    Greg

  • Juicy, Try and stay possitive.  If he resents you for trying to improve your life and health then there are some serious issues he has with himself and he is taking it out on you becuase he probably doesn't know how to deal with them.

    Keep your focus on your goal.  This is a change of lifestyle not a fad diet.  You can do this, don't let anyone stop you from living the life you deserve.

    Rachel

  • Hi Juicy,

    Congratulations you are close to a breakthrough.  Somebody told me: "before a breakthrough is a breakdown".  Your seemingly difficult situation of the moment is temporary.  

    Be clear and focus as to what you want to create in your life and why you want to create it.  That is going to give you the inspiration to continue.  The rest will be just a test to see if you really want to create whatever it is you want.

    Cheer up, have fun and find joy in your heart no matter what.  Have the courage to do what is right.  Find a place where you can give.  You will feel better.  You'll be amazed sometime next year you will look back and you will be in a much better space.

    Sending good thoughts!!!

    Chiara