Dont even know how to approach this subject...

  • Dburg,

    I would suggest you seek out someone to talk to in person that will not judge you of the things you talk about.

    No matter how much we want to we cannot go back in time.  What has been done is done and the best we can do is learn form it taking both advantage of both the positive and negative.

    Taking control of the rudder of ones life is a very empowering.  In the grand scheme of things this 12 week journey is very short, but amazingly effective in putting together the building blocks of a body for life.  

    Love is something that requires work and lots of it.  When my wife and I had our first child ours whole lives revolved around the child and our relationship suffered for it and we grew apart.  We both realized this and actively we had to rebuild so we made Thursday “Date Night”.  2 Children later Thursday is still date night and it can be as simple as sitting in the same room and reading different books or going to a fancy diner.

    I would suggest a conversation with her about direction and feelings in a non-hostile way and get both ships going in the same direction.  Empower her to join you on your next 12 week journey.

    As to kids and feeling empty without them.  I would suggest if you cannot or do not want to have your own at this point I would suggest Big Brothers Little Sisters.  I don’t know my dads name, but I can tell you who took me to little league and taught me how to catch a ball along with many other things and who I turned to when I was in trouble.

    Play it forward.  Make everyone around you stronger.

  • I've always struggle with my weight and self image.  While my husband has never complained (he's even the more affectionate one!), he doesn't exactly support me either.  He tells me often that I just don't have will power, and continually tests that fact.  I honestly wonder sometimes if he is as scared of me succeeding as I am and what it might lead too.  

    A few years back I finally signed up to do a Sprint triathalon.  On the nights that I was training for the run he started coming along on the walk with me.  While it totally inhibited my run training which I needed the most, it became our together time.  It gave us the chance to be away from the kids and talk.  Communication is NOT one of our stronger skills, even after 24 years of marriage.  While he will never do a challenge with me, it has brought us together doing something active and opening a new line of communication we didn't have before.  To some extent I think the "threat" has gone away, since he's to some extent been part of the process.

    Just a thought that while your wife may not be interested in the full challenge at this point, maybe she'd take you up on just a walk. Take it slow, find a pretty trail or park and hopefully she will feel the positive benefit of "just getting out" and moving as well as it will may give you an opportunity to open a line of communication you didn't have before.

    My heart goes out to you, but what a bunch a great advice you've brought out with this thread being honest.  HUGS

  • and if you're worried about money and how to pay for therapy, your insurance benefits might include therapy OR you or your wife's place of employment might have this thing, I don't know what it's called.  It's a number to call when you need help with any sort of family problem, depression, worries, etc. that places you with a therapist and you usually get 3-5 free sessions.  I never ever went to therapy b4 then finally decided to for a certain problem I just couldn't deal with.  It helped tremendously and didn't cost me anything.

    Look through your benefit packet for something like that.  

  • Thanks again, and MN Mom, I dont know HOW I missed your post!   Think it just snuck in after the one and I missed it!  

    If some of this has been only going on for 12 weeks, that would be one thing, but it's been like this for a loooong time.   Again, that doesnt mean I'm just throwing the towel in, dont get me wrong, but the one thing that the last 12 weeks HAVE done is show me that I should be proud of myself, and not feel bad for wanting some of my own attention.

    OptiGirl, I know for sure I dont have it here, but I'll see what her benefits are.. Thanks for the suggestion

  • And just being totally honest, I think a lot of it hit over the weekend.  We've been hanging out with a friend and her daughter who is a freshman in high school.  We've been going and watching her compete in some contests and all the sudden I start to realize that I dont have that, and I wont have that joy of watching my child grow and be successful at things.   Now, we've know her, and grown up with her, so we do have pride in her.  And we have relatives with young children, but I would have to guess that seeing your own child is something that just cant be described any other way.

  • Your story really upset me. (im just a lurker never a poster) so much so that I feel compelled to reply. I believe so strongly that keeping promises means you keep them. Good time or bad time for richer or poorer. Dose that sound like any of the promises you made to your wife when you married her. We have to be a people of integrity not just "happy". Make your self fall back in love with her. You seem to like the BFLC so here is another one for you to try. Rent the movie Fire Proof and watch it. Then find the book and do it. Then post back on here to let us know how you are doing please. How much happier will you be in the next challenge is completed and you marriage has become fire proof!  Your marriage is worth fighting the hardest for.