Heavy body without a heavy heart

  • Had LBWO on Wednesday, and finally all those emotions came up and allowed me to cry when I got home. I am so dang heavy, and my muscles have gotten so weak over the years, that the lower body workouts are just incredibly hard. I can hardly do squats and lunges, I don't even need to hold dumbbells (though I do, like the 5 and 8lb for last reps). Afterwards, I am so sore than I can hardly walk straight. My quads feel like shock absorbers of brutal pain. I switched to the machines during week 2 when I had the LBWO twice. I just hoped by this week I would have more strength for the lunges and I ended up feeling like I've been hit below the belt-literally and figuratively. My lifestyle in the last 2 years has been very inactive, I started to work from home as an artist and don't really go out much. so I walk way less than the average person. I used a bike to get around, but its blown out and I haven't gotten it fixed. So I wonder if I should do more outside of the BFL workout, like just walking my dog extra everyday to try and build up strength.

    I think it is harder to start in the beginning when you are big and inactive, because of all that weight. Its physically challenging and sometimes I feel like I don't look like I belong in the gym. But I go anyway, and I just do it. If I have to use the littliest weight they have for most of the reps, that's what I do. And in the beginning, the mirror wall had me feeling so embarrassed...so I just didn't really look at it. But now, my neighbors are starting to notice that I am losing weight and I feel good. I just hope that anyone who feels so big and embarrassed can stick to it with me. I just tell myself that I make up for it with emotional strength. I mean seriously, going out the house with a 240lb body would be hard for a lot of people. That's why sometimes people hit a point of no return and just get stuck. The bigger you get, the more it physically hurts. So I am just bearing the weight until it isn't so heavy, and then I imagine the whole thing will seem so much easier and I will feel super fly :-D I hope I can encourage others who start and just can't imagine how people do it when it just freakin' hurts. It doesn't last forever, its normal, that's just how it is at first. But after I was able to let loose and cry about it, I actually felt so much better. I think its a real make it or break it turning point where everything builds up and feelings take over thoughts. It really helped me to talk about it with my husband and have a little cry. People are much more supportive and receptive when you are actually doing it everyday, too.

  • Lil Caity,  Remember this one for later,  A first those around you may ask..."Why are you doing this?" (especially if you are putting your heart and soul into the program) and THEN later when you are achieving success with each challenge ...THey will ask  "How did you do all of this??""".(That is a great feeling, I assure you).

  • The first time I did body for life, I injured my quads so bad once I could finally do the squats and lunges that I couldn't continue.  This time around, I really pay attention to intensity.  If I do until I "just can't do another", I will injure myself on this type of exercise.  It's something that no one tells you.  With squats and lunges, before you get really good at them (and I'm still not completely), a little really does go a long way.  I can finally do all my sets of squats, but until I could, I just played it by ear on intensity, completing each set to the best of my ability.  On the lunges, I still switch legs and do 12 to warm up, but it really comes out to 6 per leg.  (Then my 10 is 5, and so forth...) If I do any more than that, I won't be able to walk or, especially, do cardio the next day.  Pushing is a good thing, but if your 10 is a really a 12 on the scale (like mine), just remember that if you can't walk, you can't workout!

    By the way, I saw your pics on another post and I was FLOORED by your progress and how great you've done.  Plus, you're so adorable that you will knock them dead in your after pics!!! You're inspirational to me, and I'm excited to see your after pics!

  • Lil Cathy, please keep a positive attitude!  And, I totally understand the torture of doing LBWO's when you haven't done them in so long.  I learned real quick that I must only work out to my ability--if I go overboard it literally takes a good week for me to be able to walk like a normal person.  You might just do your leg workouts with no  weight at all for a while.  You will slowly get stronger and sooner than you think.

    I sometimes get discouraged at the gym, as well, especially around all the really buff men.  haha.  But, you know what I always remember?  Everyone has to start somewhere and everyone has a story.  How many buff people at the gym were overweight at one time in their life?  Or a guy that was insecure about being super skinny?  I know there are plenty of people who have just been active their whole lives, but there are also lots of people who weren't and just finally decided to make a change--just like everyone here!  :)

  • Thank you all SO much for your wisdom and kind encouragement. I sure wouldn't want to injure myself and lose the progress I've made.

    The day I wrote this post was a tremendous turning point. If there was any day I would have nearly given up, it would have been that one. But shortly after I made it past that emotional hurdle, I felt a true shift within myself. I have experienced a level of fitness that is completely new to me and I finally know what it is like to enjoy living in my body. Its something I wish everyone could enjoy. I hope people can take a positive message from it; that you are on the brink of extroidanary change when it feels the most challenging, physically and emotionally.

  • Hi Lil Caity.  I remember feeling all those emotions that you described in the beginning.  It is humbling and humiliating when you can't get your body to move gracefully to even do the exercises.  I refused to let my husband see me working out because I felt so awful about how I looked while I was doing it.  

    I remember the soreness, and just wishing it would go away.  I remember thinking that eventually the movements would get easier and they have.  Now I'm just continuing.  That in itself is often difficult.

    Thanks for allowing me to remember how far I've come.  You can do this too.  It sounds like you are determined, and we are all behind you.

  • Chin up, kid.

  • Thank you guys for the kind words. I posted this almost a month ago. I can't even begin to describe how DIFFERENT I feel. I swear its like reading a post from a different person. I was very emotional that day, and I felt it was important to put it out there for others to relate to, because deep down I knew it would change and I could come back and say so.

    I knew I wouldn't remember those feelings well enough to articulate them, so I am glad I put this up.

    Today, I feel strong and capable. I can feel all my lower body muscles propelling me forward when I am walking. I feel like a well oiled machine with a full tank of gas when I crank out the aerobic exercise. Its so much deeper than just not looking fat anymore, when your body is rickety and weak ad heavy. I looked at people who are physically active and just felt like less of a functioning person because simple movements were such a struggle.

    Now, I am so comfortable in my own skin that I sometimes well up with tears of joy and disbelief while I am comfortably lifting weights that are twice what I started with. I am thankful to be such an emotional being for once, because though the pain and despair felt quite intense before, so does the gratitude for having a new life.