Good Morning Team -
Wow - what a trip to experience such a crazy meltdown yesterday /:( It was def a good reminder that I am still very much HUMAN!!! Flobee, I would have LOVED to be scooped up yesterday Lol - thank you sooo much for having such a huge heart! You just put a much needed big smile on my face ;) It is the people like YOU (and Sharon, and Eric, and Melissa, and Hrdhat77, and Val, and Amy, and Shea and EVERYONE else that is on this journey together) that inspire ME!!! I come from a Family of borderline insane "Overachievers" so I am becoming very aware of that "not good enough program" that has been running my Life. So now, I am Affirming to myself everyday that I am more than good enough and don't have to be perfect to be Loved!!! Not only am I detoxing Physically, I am seriously detoxing Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually as well... it's a lot. I've heard that is actually to be expected, so if anyone else starts feeling a little NUTS, don't worry ;)
I actually did have a great breakthrough as a result of my carazy internal drama yesterday tho. I have been really encouraging everyone in my Life to take on this BFL Challenge with me and so far no one has been up for the task. Then out of nowhere, my oldest sister (who I had done this with over 8 years ago) shows up last night with BFL Journal in hand, ready to start her Body for Life 12 week Challenge!!! Seriously perfect timing... and I'm so excited to have her as support.
It was so great to be able to coach her through her first workout!!! And as a result of re-connecting with my own personal sense of direction, my much needed motivation returned; just in the simple act of helping someone else. The "Universal Law of Reciprocation" is truly magic! Also, I am NOT a morning person at all - however I randomly woke-up at 5am today and instead of just going back to bed, I got up and went straight to the gym to get my Cardio workout in! Not sure I am going to keep that schedule goin, however it was really nice to be up so early doing something productive (...and BTW I give ALL of you who do those super early morning workouts some serious props!!! You guys are Super Hero's Hah)
Such a blessing to have this Community Forum. Thank you to ALL of you, have an Incredible day!!! xoxo Kat
DAY 30 - BFL Journal daily Lesson-for-LIFE:
"Finishing what you start is a habit we can all develop." I've noticed far more people start fitness programs than finish them. Why? Quite clearly, quitting has become a habit for many people. The good news is we all have the potential to finish what we start, to follow through and honor self-promises. The key is to make finishing what you start a habit - a positive pattern of action. One of the things that can help is if you see every day as an example for how you'll approach the entire 12-week Program. Today, by achieving your nutrition, exercise, and mindset goals, you can feel the satisfaction of honoring self-promises and finishing what you started. Tomorrow, you have that Opportunity again. And each day, as you stick with it, you'll be working to develop your ability to follow through and succeed! And that is perhaps the greatest habit you could possibly develop through this Body-for-LIFE experience. ~Bill Phillips~
Ugh...ok, it's my turn. I still have not missed a single workout or cheated on a single meal...I haven't even overdone my free day. My workout yesterday was not very good, and I was feeling weak, and I've been having an itchy scratchy face for a few days and now I'm all broken out. I didn't sleep well last night, and maybe got 4 hours of sleep after finally getting to sleep. I have a headache and I am so tired, AND...I'm somehow 2 pounds heavier this week. So it's interesting to hear that other people are detoxing and having some rough times. I've been feeling a little "detoxy" myself. I know it's not unusual, but we do sometimes have these down type days. It does get discouraging to see the scale go up, and then not have any change in your measurements. Then again, 4 weeks is really not all that long if you think about it.
So...having had my rant, just know that I'm not giving up. It's just not in my nature. Kat, I will admit to being one that thinks you are gorgeous and I wish I could have your body, and your spirit. We definitely hold ourselves up to higher standards than others have for us, and it's time to give ourselves a break. Hrdhat, you are a real fighter to jump back on the train after all that happened to you! THAT is an inspiration to me, for sure. Revenge of the lobster...and all this time I thought that would be a good protein ;).
Thanks for being there, guys. I'm sure I'll be sunnier tomorrow! Have a great day!
Must be the week for tail spins...here is my very personal rant: thanks in advance for letting me get this off of my chest. I am actually a very private person. The fact that I am sharing this (AND let you all see my before photos) are way out of my comfort zone but part of the healing process...
For years, I let the "not good enough" syndrome totally get to me. In addition to being diagnosed with cancer last year, I went through some pretty traumatic emotional events as well. For almost 2 years, my normally amazing and supportive husband was awful. Always in a bad mood, not very nice to me and somehow blamed it all on my. I'm not fun enough, I'm not adventurous enough, I don't know how to just relax and let go, I'm too ambitious and driven, blah, blah, blah. His being in a bad place was totally my fault in his mind and I bought into it.
Late 2011, he volunteered for a year-long deployment to Afghanistan and left with only 2 weeks’ notice. He spent a week of that time in Illinois with his mom without me – he insisted. Turns out, we went there because he was having an affair with his high school sweetheart - how cliché right? He went to spend the week with her. I found out about it about a week after he left the country. Insult to injury, my mother-in-law is good friends with this other woman and was 100% behind their affair. Shortly after learning about the affair, I was diagnosed with cancer. My husband told me it was over with the other woman and I stupidly believed him. I later found out that it was indeed NOT over and that he was still telling her to wait for him and that as soon as I was “well” he would leave me for her. Both of my step-daughters found out and called me in tears asking what I was going to do. I told him that he had apparently made his decision. He had clearly chosen her. No need to wait for me to get well. I could and would do this on my own and I was no longer his concern. I didn’t take his calls or return his emails for weeks. I appeared to be strong and in control - truthfully, I was a complete, devastated mess. He kept telling me that he couldn’t bare to lose me and that he felt trapped in his relationship with his mom and this other woman. He made a huge mistake publically and didn’t know how to undo it. My reply - he needed to put on his big boy panties and man up. He needed to admit that he had made a huge mistake and then start taking steps to fix it. He did and then had to face both of his daughters. They were not at all supportive of him which was difficult for him. They have always been close and I think he fully expected them to understand and be sympathetic. They were definitely NOT.
We are in therapy and are both committed to making our marriage work. I spent 6 months in counseling (and on anti-depressants) myself before he came home. I truly believe that he is sorry for what he did and what he put me through. However, his mother has never apologized for her part in all of this. She is a pathological liar, manipulator, and control freak. She has talked bad about me, behind my back of course – never to my face, for 20+ years. I can find it in my heart to forgive my husband. I will never forget but I can forgive and work towards fixing us.
I haven't been able to forgive his mother. A sincere apology would so a long way but I will never get one from her. She’s my husband’s mother so she is part of our life - like it or not. She’s here this week, staying with me, visiting some of her Arizona friends and acting like nothing ever happened. She booked tickets without talking to us about her dates. My husband is in Canada!!!! It's just the two of us here. I can't look at her without feeling the pain and hurt of last year or the fact that she had a hand in it all. I am not "over it" yet.
I am an emotional eater and self-destructive when I feel threatened or insecure. The past few days were not pretty...
However, after not sleeping well, I started off today bright and early (5am Kat) with a tough cardio workout and about 10 minutes of reflection. I can’t let anyone else control me. I am in control of me. Likewise, I can’t control anyone else. I can only control how I respond. I can and will do this – for me and only me. It is hard and it takes determination and courage. I have come a long way recently cannot go back to being the person that I was. It will kill me! I deserve better and I AM WORTH IT!
Sharon, I read your whole post in tears. I'm not very good at expressing myself about things, and for my stumbling for words, I hope you'll forgive me. I'm very impressed by the way you have handled yourself. Your dedication in the face of so much adversity is something I'd like to be able to pull off myself. I hope I could, in future. I'm so sorry about the cancer and about people treating you so disrespectfully. There's really something about being betrayed by someone so close to you that really throws off the entire earth's axis. Even colors don't look the same, and you start looking at everyone differently. I've been there myself in the past, and I know there could be few things as bad as that feeling in the world. Only a few other things would be worse, and on would be finding out you have cancer, and you've had both.
As for me, I divorced in 2010 from my husband of 14 years. He was bipolar, and perpetually unemployed, and I just couldn't handle it. My children suffered as well, and I knew that I was stronger on my own. I have since finally been in control of my own life, and I've been very happy and very content. My children are better, my home is better...everything has been better. I did not have the perseverance or strength to stick it out. I think his life and mine improved for that exchange, or I would be disappointed in myself that I couldn't stick it out like you have. That takes tremendous courage.
The same goes for you, Kat. I read your courageous story earlier on, but just didn't know how to put any of my thoughts to words then. I do read all of your thoughts and stories, and feel inadequate trying to respond because I'm coming from such a wonderful place myself...almost to the point of feeling guilty.
I wish you weren't going through any of that, but we will be here for you through THIS, at least, and we are VERY PROUD of you for hanging in there in the face of so many horrible trials. You and Kat are both heroes to me ::hugs::
WOW... All I can say is WOW. It is a privilege to be here with such strong people. Being a minister, I hear many life stories, and value each and every one of them. Helps me keep perspective in my own life. Kat and Sharon, you two are and inspiration to us all.
Having been through a divorce last year, I know the pain and sense of loneliness that comes with it. I admire you Sharon for wanting to work it through... on top of battling cancer. Kat, you are an inspiration keeping things going here and taking on your challenges head on and being an inspiration to others.
Think this just shows this is more than a diet, but a way of life, connecting mind, body and spirit.
You are all a blessing and I am humbled and grateful to be here with you.
Does anyone watch the Biggest Loser? My take away this week from the show was that I need to fix what's happening on the inside so that I quit sabotaging my progress. Sharing my story is part of that process so thank you all providing a "safe" place to do that.
Eric and Melissa - don't sell yourself short. You both did what you needed to do for yourself. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to walk away from marriage that was causing you pain and hurt and to tackling life on your own.
Kat - how exciting to have your sister join you on this journey. Get her on this forum!!!! I will be doing back to back challenges so I'll be here for a while :-) I have tried to recruit family and friends but no takers so far. I think my husband would do it if he didn't travel every week for work. He is supportive but that isn't the same as having someone taking the challenge with you. Congrats
Not sure where you all live but we have some strange things going on with our weather. A week ago it was almost 80. Today, I didn't hit 50. I know 50 would be heaven for a lot of places but remember - Arizona summers are BRUTAL. This is our good time of year. "Winter" is the reason I stick it out through months of 100-115 degree weather. Yesterday was incredibly windy. Today, I woke up to rain. Not a big deal in most places but it is very rare to wake up to rain here. It is the desert after all. The change in weather with moisture in the air makes my knee hurt like there is no tomorrow. I couldn't finish my workout this morning and I even broke down and took some motrin. I am looking forward to the day when it doesn't hurt so much. Right now my surgeon is encouraging a joint replacement but I want to see how much better it will feel without all of this extra weight I am carrying first! I'd really rather NOT have a replacement surgery done in my early 40s.
I took some progress pictures this morning but was highly disappointed. I don't see much progress and my measurements are only marginally better. The scale (which I haven't been on since I started) hasn't moved at all :-( I thought I would be further along by week 4. I have had some personal set backs along the way so I suppose this is to be expected. I know that stress hinders progress. I can't eliminate my stressors right now (work, marriage, monster-in-law, etc) but I can recommit to my goals and do the best that I can. I can eat better. I can workout harder. I can get more sleep. I can learn and practice relaxation techniques. As Eric wrote above - this is about more than just a diet - it's connecting body, mind and spirit. This is Body for Life not body for today or body for the next 12 weeks. This is all about lifestyle changes for me and breaking years of bad habits. It'll happen I will just keep at it and not give up even when I'm discouraged. You all have no idea how much you help in this process. I probably would have given up already if not for this forum.
Thanks for being the amazing people that you are :-)
I've been going to this truly incredible "group therapy" since my Hospitalization last Summer to help me learn more about my own human psyche, understanding the chronic illnesses and overall coping skill sets for LIFE. (Btw - I fought against going to a therapist for over 7 years thinking that I was "strong enough" to handle Life on my own - Hah...turns out that NOBODY is! That is why we are all here on this Planet, Together!!! Even just being a part of this BFL Forum is actually an incredible form of therapy in itself; definitely is for me ;)
So, in going through my own personal psychological meltdowns and physiological breakdowns this week, and then reading what you all have been going through (Melissa, Sharon, Hrdhat77, Eric and everyone else who just hasn't had the chance or desire to post yet - all of us experiencing varying degrees of turbulence), I am seeing much more clearly what separates the weak from the strong, or better yet, the Spectators from the Gladiators! YES we ALL get the badges of courage and strength that we have very deservingly earned through going through Life's extremely devastating trials. However, what I realized today is that we didn't necessarily have any other choice!
Meaning, we didn't ask to get sick, or have our hearts betrayed and stomped on, or to lose our loved ones, etc... Those things just happened to us ...And, those are all crucial elements to our "personal stories" and absolutely hold beyond phenomenally significant importance to who we are as people today. We ALL gained sooo much personal conviction and strength through those experiences, that I personally would have concluded that we could face and successfully overcome absolutely ANYTHING, right!?! Maybe not...
When Life throws us a devastating circumstance, we "DEAL" with it however we decide to at that moment in our Lives. Interestingly enough, Society, or the people around us show their support by affirming how brave, or strong, or resilient we are. They're not wrong, because we definitely were! The difference though between those circumstances and this BFL Challenge is one incredibly important factor... CHOICE!!! This is something that we don't actually HAVE to do, or even deal with if we don't want to. We have full control about whether or not this is even an element in our Lives right now. Unlike our other devastating experiences in Life, we actually have the CHOICE to walk away from ALL of the daily difficulties that come with competing in this Challenge.
However, I would bet that if YOU are one of the people that have made it to this point and are still even reading this, then YOU were designed to be a Gladiator, NOT a Spectator!!! So to get through this Challenge successfully, we are going to have to make the choice every single day to climb back into the Arena and be the Gladiator that we have been preparing to become. We have to leave all the "Saboteurs" at the gates and fight the fight every day; even if we have to walk in limping and bleeding!
I realized today that I have been so beyond beaten and bloodied "out there in the arena of Life" that I had completely checked out and became nothing more than an insecure scared Spectator, just watching from the sidelines. Interestingly enough, that is where most of the damage has actually occurred (on the sidelines!!!) So, kicking, screaming, limping, crying or bleeding - I am CHOOSING to climb back into this BFL Challenge Arena (obviously an analogy for my LIFE!!!) and doing whatever it takes to be one of the last ones standing... and I believe that YOU already know if you are going to be standing there with me...
There goes my cinematic epic movie story-telling personality! Hahah. And also, please know that this is absolutely still a safe space to talk freely and be completely transparent. I imagine that the coming days are actually going to get even more challenging from here! I just came to a place where I personally needed to make a solid decision for myself; IN or OUT. I knew that if I truly wasn't ready to CHANGE, then no matter what I did, I wasn't going to... I KNOW now though that re-connecting to my WHY and re-committing myself to this Challenge, I WILL start seeing the results and FAST!!!
Lots of LOVE to Everyone!!! xoxo Kat
Thank you Kat for putting a lot of what I have been feeling into (cinematic-storytelling) words. I've definitely felt like a spectator recently and want to get back to feeling like a Gladiator again.
It is so true that much damage happens when you are on the sidelines. How different it is when you are Gladiator and can fend off a lot of the things that hurt you. It's much easier being proactive than reactive. And I believe it's healthier.
Thanks again Kat.
I hope everyone else on the team is doing well.
Sharon- ill be here for a while too. Back to back... And it doesn't end.
DAY 31 - BFL Journal daily Lesson-for-LIFE:
"You can restore your body to a level of health and fitness you might not have enjoyed for years." Most people who begin the Body-for-LIFE Program didn't spend weeks or months falling out of shape... it's something they've been "working on" for years. Remarkably, and thankfully, it doesn't take nearly as long to rebuild the body; in fact, in as little as 12 weeks, you can restore your body to a level of health and fitness you might not have enjoyed for years. I'm often awestruck by the ability of the human body to heal, rebuild and renew. When you decide to make a change, and then you follow a sound, scientific approach like Body-for-LIFE (which integrates a combination of aerobic and strength-training exercise, proper nutrition, and focused, positive thinking), you can experience a lower risk for heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. And you can look younger, feel younger, and enjoy a higher quality of Life. ~Bill Phillips~
Kat - what do you do for a living? Your "cinematic epic movie story-telling" is awesome and I love your last post :-)
I AM here by choice and I am really ready to be a Gladiator! I have let my weight keep me on the sidelines (figuratively and literally) and that is not ok. I'll jump into the arena with you Kat! Who else????
I read on one of the champion's blog that throughout their challenge the concept of "interested versus committed" was a driving force. We started off this journey with a lot of people that were interested. Those of us still here on this forum are committed. Our level of commitment might differ from each other and will likely change along our own personal journey. However, if you are still here, even silently reading the posts without actively participating, I consider you committed. Speak up, jump into the arena, and fight for yourself, your health and your future.
Recipe share: I made an awesome Thai Chicken Soup in the crockpot yesterday. It might be a new favorite for me!
Hope you all have a terrific BFL Day
Still here and kicking! Motivation has been in a little slump this week but I keep going to the gym and after I get started everything starts to feel right. Had a killer lower body yesterday legs are a little Sore :)
Sharon- I would love to get that recipe
Kat- love the posts keep them coming
Eric- ill be doing back to back too
Ps. This iPad tends to change my words to other words as I type so if something doesn't make sense I prob just didn't catch it.
I'm definitely in it for the long haul! I'm not the quitting type, either!! Both my daughter and my BF are both still in it as well. They will do what I do, and if I stick to it, so will they. Good clan I've got. I have another daughter who is away in Washington state with her father for this year, and I have been missing her terribly. In June, I get to drive up there and get her. I'm really looking forward to having the family back together.
I'm still in a slump, feeling very tired, fatigued, and drug out, headachy (4 days now) and my muscles feel very weak. I have been making sure to have all of my meals, and I always drink lots of water. Of course, there is the EXTRA trial that women have each month to deal with, and I've been dealing with that. I hope that's all it is. I take multi-vitamins, omega capsules, and even b vitamins. I don't sleep very well, but then I never do, so that's not anything new into the mix. I'm thinking about increasing my carbs just a tad and seeing if that helps. How my muscles feel is a lot like how they always felt when I tried Atkins for that month. I didn't get as a good a workout last night as I wanted, and I missed the abs all together because of the headache. It's the first time since I started that I made any compromise, so I'm sure it wont' hurt anything, but I sure hope it goes away within the next couple days.
As far as wanting to see results in the fourth week, I think everyone is at the point where they really are ready to see some real change. However, as I've read over and over on the forums, most women don't see hardly any change until week 8, then something magical happens between week 8 and 12 and they say MOST of their change happened in those last 4 weeks. For men, the 4th week through the 8th seem to be key, but not for women. So take heart!! If we hang in there, it WILL pay off at the end. We just have to have faith. We KNOW that eating right and exercising is the right thing for our bodies. We KNOW that they MUST change with that kind of consistency. It's only a matter of time, then we will never look back. Let's look to that 8th week as our next goal, and I think we won't be disappointed.
Have a great day, y'all.
To answer your question Sharon, I have been one of those "jack of ALL trades, Master of none" ADD types - which is something else that I really want to change. I have definitely enjoyed dabbling in all kinds of interests and professions (Military, Restaurant, Psuedo-Horse "Wrangler", Sports Medicine, Associate Producer for Television, Modeling, Creative Writing, Fashion Photography, AKC Dog Breeding, Product Brand Managing, Massage Therapy, Trading Accounts, etc... AAhhh and there's more I'm sure hah) however my soul is now reeeaaally craving Purpose!!! Ever since I was 5 years old all I ever wanted to be was a Performance Singer and live on a Vineyard/Horse Ranch; so those are next on my list to Experience! ;) Would be even better with a Husband and kids...
I do also have a passion for writing and have been working on a Screenplay for a few years... so time to get that finished and manifested too! :) And just recently got invited to co-create a really fascinating "Social Experiment" Documentary Series called "Under My Mask". It is basically going to be the documented study of what is really going on deep inside a person, underneath all of the facades and "smoke n mirrors" illusions that we create in order to "protect" ourselves. Society as a whole has isolated from one another so much that we have actually become so enthralled in our own fears of each other that, not only do we disconnect and hurt each other, we disconnect and destroy ourselves! My own struggles with these issues make this for an even more purposeful endeavor and hope to shed some much needed light on these "taboo subjects". We will be Casting over the Summer, if anyone is interested in being a study subject! Heheh
And on a more personal note:
Sharon - I just LOVE you!!! You have been so hugely instrumental in keeping me going. Your consistency in "showing up", participating and just being completely transparent has truly created the support that I was seeking when starting this Challenge. If your husband doesn't already know how lucky he is to have you, then he is def about to find out! We're gonna be beating all the men away with a stick! Or not... up to you LOL ;) xoxo
Eric - I already see you as a Gladiator. YOU were the one who brought us all together!!! Please give yourself credit for doing that for all of us. You were a born Leader, and that is where you belong. Step into that role with Faith and watch the miracles happen all around you!
Melissa - Thank you for being so consistent and transparent as well!! How incredible that you have those closest to you, following your lead! That is a huge feat girlfriend. I would guess that your true power lies in the ability to enroll and Influence. People are so desperate for inspirational direction; who knows, you may become the next Jillian Michaels!
Hrdhat77 - Okay, I'm finally going to ask... what's your real name??? Lol. You are so grounded and seem to be almost unshakeable!!! Good day, bad day and everything in between you show up, add your contributions and support and seem keep your Life perspective so simple. Very cool - I have a lot to learn from you!!!
Val, Amy, Shea, MrGuy, Flobee, Juzuki, Dan, Kaykay, FitMama (really sorry for anyone that I've forgotten at the moment) - Miss you... I know how busy Life can get, and hope that you all know how IMPORTANT you are to this Team and to me! Thank you ALL for every contribution thus far and really looking forward to getting to know each of you even better!!!
Have an amazing day 32 Everyone ;) Off to go kick sum Cardio butt then will be back to post the BFL DLFL xoxo Kat
I only have a few seconds but I wanted to pass this "Pep Talk from Kid President" along. My oldest step daughter (the one who just returned from Afghanistan) sent it to me. I hope it offers some motivation and encouragement!
© Abbott Laboratories,2013