how do u fight fear?

  • hi everyone.. first of all thanks for taking the time to read my post... i am just wondering its like i have so much weight to loose.. and i know i dint gain this over night and neither i am going to loose it over night so its like there is some fear inside me that keeps telling me oh 12 weeks is too long... and its like fear of loosing.. fear of failure bothers me... any words on this?

  • Ask the person with Cancer if 12 weeks is too long.

    How bad do you want this.

    One meal, one workout, one day at a time.

    We all get the same hours in the day. How we choose to use them is what seperates the victims from the victors.

  • The biggest trap you do not want to get into is thinking that since you messed up (failure) on one day or one week that the entire thing is over.  If you've read the BFL book, it specifies that this program is not made to be perfect all the time.  We all mess up time to time.  If you do mess up, reflect on it and get back on track.  Don't use a mess up as an excuse to quit the entire program.  If you don't reach your goals in 12 weeks, you have the rest of your life to get there.   "Focus on progress, not perfection."  By that statement, this program can fit you the rest of your life, not just three months. ; )

    You will fall off the track from time to time, we all do.  Just get back on again.

  • Welcome Divya,  I think we all have fears and hangups about the difficult things in our lives.  With this program my fear was not of failure but of success (I have done this program before and it works).  I was different when I was in shape before and I fear  being that person again.  I was not a bad person  its just that that person would not fit in to my current life  of being a happily married woman.  

    If you do this program---- you will not/cannot fail.  It works every time. Focus on your goals and plan, plan, plan.  Take it one hour, day and week at a time.  Reward yourself (without food, unless its a free day)  and if you need, talk to a therapist who can help you with the mind stuff.

    Great success to you!!!   jill

  • Yep, if you follow the book and the program, and honestly can tell yourself you are doing the workouts and hitting your 9's and 10's, and you eat right, you can NOT 'fail'   You've already realized one of the big things...  You didnt gain in a short amount of time, you wont lose it overnight, BUT you'll be AMAZED how fast you'll see changes IF you work the program!

    And you will stumble, someone here posts about going up stairs.  If you were going up a flight of stairs, and you tripped or stumbled going up, would you go all the way back to the bottom stair and start all over?  Or would you get up, brush yourself off and continue moving forward?  

    I did the first 12 weeks, and I lost over 30#.   I have started my 2nd and have started on the losing again, am about 6 more lbs now.. I did do 2 weeks of 'active rest'.  

    The BIGGEST thing IN MY OPINION, is PLANNING!!!   You DO need to plan time to exercise.  You do need to plan your meals so you know what you are doing the next day for meals.   That is the biggest thing I had to do and it works!!

  • Hi Divya, I can relate to those voices, I call them my "gremlins." If you read psychology literature (and frankly this shows up in business books, emotional eating books, all kinds of places...) what you find is that those voices are the old behaviors and/or old beliefs acting up.  Much of what we do is on auto-pilot...the brain likes efficiency so repeated patterns are easier and require less energy to be spent (makes sense, think about what would happen if you had to re-learn how to brush your teeth every morning!)

    Some writers (Seth Godin) call it our lizard brain.  That part of the brain was responsible for our survival and generally speaking, as we evolved it was better for us to stay where we were (even if we didn't like it) than venture out into the unknown where we might get eaten by a saber tooth tiger :) Neurologically, old habits are well worn pathways in our brain.  Building new habits takes work literally create new pathways.  YES, it can absolutely be done! Yes, it takes focus and attention, but that's not a bad thing.  As one of my favorite authors on emotional eating says "you are already uncomfortable,  you get to choose your uncomfortable.... either stay where you are, which is uncomfortable, or you get to make a change, which will also be uncomfortable!" (Geneen Roth in case you're wondering :)

    You can absolutely do this, be kind to yourself and if the gremlins start beating you up tell them to GET LOST....they are not serving you :)

  • P.S.  Last thought :)  On the fear of failing...we all fail.  Not trying is where we get into trouble....keeps our life in a little box and we don't grow...

  • BFLbride2b - I love your post. I might put it in my blog. Thank you.

    “"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out..." - Robert J. Collier”

  • Thanks everyone for your words... and @ legs.. u really did make me pause my thaughts by wondering if the person with cancer would say regarding 12 weeks.... i guess you always see the the grass greener on the other side.. cause problems that we have seem so much bigger then others.. but when you think about it.. our problems are nothing... thanks you jillian dburg and bride2b for your encouraging words... I have started this program.. and ia m going to stick to it.. i have a lot of weight to loose and not giving up this time... i wanna be healthy for my kids.. i wanna be able to run with them.

  • divya222 - I am grateful for you. Having "alot of weight to lose" can be frustrating - I get that...however it is not impossible. Many before you and many right here within these walls are doing exactly as you will and are so willing to reach out and help.

    One day at a time.

    You deserve to reach your goals.

    We are all terminal - some by choice, others not so much...

    Welcome to today - a new outlook, a new self promise, a new beginning.

    Chin up, chest out, SMILE BIG - then do the right thing.

  • Hey Bryan, sure, glad you liked it.  There's some good stuff out there on getting to the root of why it's so hard to change...two books I find helpful are Robert Keegan's "Immunity to Change" (business focused) and Geneen Roth's "Women, Food and God." (Even though the topic is emotional eating, the concepts and practices really apply to any behavior we are trying to change.). Both look at how you peel back the layers of the behavior and examine the belief that's driving it.  For example, the belief that failure is to be feared...where did that come from? Or the executive who wants to delegate more but doesn't do it (because her underlying belief - that she may not even consciously know is at work - is that to be valued, you have to do it all.)

    For most of us, our "standard operating beliefs" were programmed into our brains by the time we were 4 years old (the superego, thank you Freud.)  By whom? Parents and others who were trying to make sure we didn't run into the street and get hit by a car, etc.  Those "rules" amalgamate and form beliefs.  But as adults, we really have to look at those and see if what served us as a 4-year old still serves us today  :)

    Ok, probably more info than folks wanted, but "working with stuckness" is a pet project :)

  • Remember, a journey of a 1000 miles, begins with a single step. Don't look at the entire picture or you could be overwhelmed. Think like, "today I'm going to the gym. Today I'm going to eat _____".

    Come visit my blog!

    Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you'll be right!

  • My advice is complete FOCUS.   Break it down into individual will lose approx. 2 lbs. a week.  Take it from me...this program works but it takes 100% focus.   Don't let anything get in your way.   After two challenges, I'm down from 219 lbs. to 167 and BF is now approaching 11%.  Oh, and I'm 45 years old.